Cant give up

I wonder why somethings or some people in your life you cant give up.

I have never had a problem with letting someone or something go. I can easily let it slip threw my fingers. I can give it up with out a heart beat.

But for some reason. I have a strange connection with this one guy. I can not let him go. I have tried. I have thought about the bad times. I have thought about what he has put me threw. But even threw it all i can only remember the good times. I hear what everyone is telling me about him.

I know that.

its something i just feel. And honestly my feelings has never really told me anything wrong. But in my heart i know the time is not right for us to be together or work on it. Even though myself just want it to just start over. And everything will be ok. It just dosen't work like that.

So i will set this one on the shelf and keep going with my everyday life. I just keep my head up and deal with it when its in my face till then.

ill remember you smile

What is a Title?

I hear that once you put a title on something that it changes your outlook on it?

I guess i can see where this can be somewhat true.

I guess if i met a stranger and we sat down and had a pretty in-depth conversation that just blew me away but the day was getting late and I wanted to finish at a later time. But he said that his time was limited that we couldn't meet up all the time. And when i asked why, he then he told me in the end he was an Ex-Convict. Would my thoughts about this person change? To be honest it probably will. Cause the title of a convict holds so much in my mind.

I see a title as me getting rule of thumb to what the situation or thing might be. I like to know what i see. Meaning if i see something that is red, soft but firm and round. I would like to think that it is a tomato but it also could be an apple. Cause with these titles i expect certain things. I expect one to be crunchy and the other i expect to be soft and mushy.

Title of friends, talking, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, relationship, engaged, married. Yes these are different roles that come with talking to someone that you wish too share a greater passion for.

So why not have a title? Things are going to be complicated either way it goes. He/she content thinking why don't they want to even have a title with them. Cause things don't have to be complicated. And if they do become complicated thats fine. Why not take that risk? Why not just dive in and experience love at its raw its moments? yes you should jump with cation but somethings you just have too jump too.

all i say is take risks and count your winnings

My ex's

So outb of all the people I have ever dated. I have two ex's that stands out. I mean I would be back with them at a drop of a hat. These two guys that have spun me around and let me too find my own direction.But honestly I think my life is in a better direction because of the things I went threw with them.

My 1st love....& my worst heart break. They set the bar with the type off connection i look for. Which is good and bad. I like the instant connection. I like how we have everything in common under the sun. I like how I feel so comfatable with them that I can open up and say anything. I like how we seem to be like glue from the start. I like the endless conversations. I like the way they.put up with my anger and spoiled ways. I like that they make me there everything. I like how they dont let me go even when I try too run with all my heart. I like they are down for a fight. But manley I like that they are down for me.

I know your problay saying that wow if you had all of that with someone,how did it end? what went wrong? And honestly I do not have an answer for you. These are the only guys I have never cheated on. That I gave my all. These are the guys that I saw my self marrying.
But they both left me for someone else.

They are reason number 2 that I want too study relationships and dating. There are so many questions I dont have an answer too & I dont underatand. So hopefully this will give me the patterns that others have discoverd threw life.

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Selfish?

Well i am still dating and seeing what is out there. My ex came back in my life again.Not that he has every really left but, just pushed his way to the surface. to shake up my thoughts again. But i have too say it is refreshing that it didn't bother me as much like it used too. Now I can see him and keep my feelings under control. I can go out to dinner with him and accept that this is not going any further than this meal that we are sharing at this time and place. Cause right now i am talking to one of my high school dreams. He was the reason i took a class. Feels great to be talking to him and too have him interested in me and as am I. I feel like we click but almost too late in time.

Is that even possible?

Well I think that he has a lot on his plate at this time and place and for me to even add to that would be selfish of me. I only want to add to his plate because i wanted to step up and say how i felt in the past. And want to live out something i didn't have the courage to do then. I know for a fact that i am a lot to handle and i love attention and being slight bit self-centered. Which is something that i am working on but his attention is needed in 4 other places before he could even possibly think about me. He has 3 special seeds that needs his light and water so they can grow into these beautiful flowers. Then he has to be that sun for them but things are going threw the rainy season and for me to add thunder too it. I am not saying that i am that thunder but i come with my own pot and i have always gotten a lot of sun.

Maybe i am seeing this situation as an excuse as an easy pass out because the situation he is in his defiantly a expert course. That only past or similar travelers can travel this road. And for inexperience travelers this might be a little over whelming.

I am just think i am not the right one for him in the end. Even though he is sweet and has a great heart and excellent go get'em attitude. He has truly been a great friend

I just think it might be the wrong time or i might have missed my chance.